No.
That is the only word that hurtles through the blazing fog of my mind, colliding with a crash of agony in my thoughts. Gritty, grating cloth lost from between my grasping, over-sensitive fingertips as the burden they bore flops with a dull thud to the burning sands of my battle-ground. The void in my very soul wars with my fiery passion, conquers it with a single flickering glance into the still face of my lifeless prisoner.
All warmth extinguished. My sun has fallen from its overarching sky. So, too, will the moon cease to reflect its gleaming light; I am finished. No other course remains, and I welcome the darkness.
I have killed my captain.
Jim.
The name explodes into my mind and perhaps from my lips; I cannot tell and do not care. Firm and warm and alive beneath my clutching, trembling, tingling fingers, he moves freely with my wild spin and laughs, laughs up at me, and I cannot contain a responding grin that splits and cracks and shatters my reserve and my resolve to let him go ever again.
Never again, because my sun is back in its place and setting me to burning with clear, confident flame; I glow with nothing more than his smile for kindling. We banish the darkness together, and forever, and forever has only just begun.
I have found my captain.
I NEEDED THIS SO BADLY, DEAR; YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
ReplyDeleteYes you do.
But still.
Heartbreak and then shattering light, and I am undone.