Don't expect too much from me, goes my daily refrain. We, you and I together, are setting me up to fail, and when I do--because, believe me, I will. I've done it so many times before-- I will be left to stare at you from beyond the emptiness, pierced only by the knowledge that you thought I was more, and you tried to make me give you more, and I wasn't enough, and so it ends. I end, in a hole in the dismal earth dug by my ambitions and your encouragement.
Don't expect too much from me, goes my daily refrain.
This feels like some sort of judgment or betrayal, but I'm saying it anyway.
ReplyDeleteYou will never be what you want from you as long as you try to do it all on your own. I know you've been asking God for guidance, and I don't think you should give up on that, but beyond guidance, maybe you should ask Him to prepare you for the path He wants you to take?
I mean, if you do everything that you can to make your relationship with Him strong and do everything He tells you to do, and you rely on Him and give Him the responsibility, than any failure that occurs is His fault and is probably meant for a reason. Right?
I've prayed all the right prayers, done all the right things, been the good faithful hopeful trusting person who waits. I appreciate what you say, but it's nothing I haven't heard or thought on already, and it's brought me little peace.
ReplyDeleteI get a bit angry, sometimes. I don't know what I'm waiting for, anymore.
But it's not about doing all the right things, and waiting only works for some people. It's about the relationship and give and take. If you get angry sometimes, you have it out with God. If you don't want to talk to Him, you tell Him so. He's not interested in the right prayers or the right things you do or in how faithfully you wait; He's interested in you.
ReplyDeleteI know you know that. Still, though . . .
But if you're doing everything you know to do and you still don't see any progress, then don't forget that you can't see the whole picture. I know that's not really comforting, but at the end of the day, you have to either act on the belief that "He Who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it," or reject God altogether. What you feel doesn't matter nearly so much as what you do with it.
And you're doing all the right things, so you're good.
Also: Captcha says "lateduck."
You always have much to say. I appreciate this about you. :)
ReplyDeleteI am running on waaaaay too empty to be thoughtful at this point. I know he's got something in mind, and I trust him. I am impatient, is all.
Captcha is kinda golden sometimes.
I pile on words because the thing I want to say isn't coming through like I want it to.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I love your economy with words. You always seem to say the right thing concisely. And yes, I mean that, and it is not hyperbole.
I know. I just can't help wanting to remind everybody.
I know, right?!