panicking

ack ack ack ack ack ack

why is it so very hard to do and keep hold of things that you really really want?

I want to be in a choir group but it was so hard to start communications with the director and now I finally did but I stupidly took off for the weekend not realizing I'd be out of touch and so I finally emailed him back almost a week later but maybe now he hates me and maybe he's gotten someone else to fill the part already and maybe he is going to think I am unreliable or something and maybe now it is all ruined and I am terrified that I have lost my chance at a thing I really really want that I worked and stressed and worried so hard to even get and I'm basically a nervous wreck.

Also I have made multiple plans for today and I dunno how any of them are gonna fit. Like, 4 different plans.

I am lucid in the morning. I hate mornings.

This is what I get for getting up before noon.