Sonic

ICE CREAM.
At ten forty-five of an evening. I enjoy this.
Relishing the idea of an ill-advised ice cream run and also the cold sweet taste it leaves in my mouth.
So much sugar. I ordered a small.

Blunting my edges but in a bad way

I feel rather like
I am becoming dull.
Not that I was ever interesting. I mean that I'm no longer sharp. I wander around in a chemical haze and move slower than I think even slugs are prone to do.
I hoped I would have lots of thoughts and be deep while I worked.
Turns out being a janitor does not inspire deep thought. It inspires, in fact, no thought, and I am more blank than I was before. Which is to say, very blank indeed.

I need to keep my brain from dripping out my ears.
I need to write more.

What home can do

Come home, little one.

Wayward son.

Wandering brother.

Proud man.

You are
You were
So much better
So much more

Please.

You will be
So much better
So much more
Again.

If you just
Come home.

Today

Long day it has been.

Work boring as usual.

Saw Avengers again, which was stellar.

Still have a lot of feelings that I need to work through, but I have no time to do so, so I am left a seething mass of crazy.

Hmm.

Hopkins on the mind

I'm full up of poetry that isn't mine, and what was me is lost.

Always so afraid of losing my voice means it isn't a strong voice at all and easily swayed and quickly muddled muddied by everything else no strong core to back it up to center it to anchor it in the swelling storm of influence a deluge of diverse universe-dwellers each with a louder word than my little one.

Maybe if I make no sense, no one will understand and they will have to say I am different.

Let's try this again

Okay, no guarantees or I will feel tied down, but I think I finally have time for this lovely part of the internet again.

I've been busy with all sorts of things that aren't really important, if you catch my meaning. Lots of creative endeavors that get me nowhere, because I am exactly as good at them as I am at keeping up with this. Take from that what you will.

I do so wish I had talent. Instead, I decide to tackle art that is definitely not my division. I don't think I have a division.

It's going to take awhile before I can articulate all the feelings I have had lately. Have to sort through them first, and they all blend together into a roiling mass of agonizing pain.

Goody. My tear ducts needed a workout.

Promises I never do keep

It's been awhile...


So I may just type up a few things jotted down on scraps of paper left here and there.


Things that could be read, if anyone cares to read them.


But if no one does, that's okay, too. The internet is better preservation than receipt bits. 


Here's one:


_____

knit, purl, knit, purl, knit, purl. Change needles.

slip, twist, curses, untangle, rethread, knit, purl.

Almost today. Words were on the tip of my tongue, and they might have worked. I didn't say them, though. Not today.

knit, purl, knit, purl, knit two together. Change needles.

Maybe if I had, this would have been it. This could have been my moment, the one I've been waiting for, looking for, hoping for.

slip, slip, knit two together. knit, purl, knit, purl. slip, pull slipped stitch over.

I didn't, though.

knit, purl, knit, drop, rethread. drop, rethread. knit.

If I had.

pull stitch. rethread. purl, knit, purl.

Not today.

Change needles. knit, purl, knit, purl, knit, purl, knit, purl.